Log in

No account? Create an account
Absorb my mind tonight
So that my emotional deteriorating sponge won't fail me.
Leaking the contens of the only thing that is supposed to be so private.
My thoughts.
Hold my hand to make me feel whole with who I am today
Let me experience just the teeniest bit of you
show me something you never let anyone else see.
Uncover those heavenly eye's
Let my enter the qorld which fascinated me
Absorb my mind tonight
So my emotional deteriorating sponge won't fail me.
Leaking the contents of the only thing that is supposed to be so private.
My thoughts.
Crisp air in the late fall
With leaves falling over my seperated skin.
Entrances with untamed hair
These smudge pain filled eye's
Ripped jeans and the infatuation in me that slowly dies.

Completly comfortable with who I am.
Shoulder blades pressed hard into the ground.
The important part of my mind feeling safe so close to the earth.
Watching the cloudes and tracing the track marks I've created with these scars.

Got up and started to run.
Ran until my legs gave up on me.
Sat in the dirt with protruding sleeves exposing my greatest weakness
Now the world see's my exact fault.
Purple lines covering me like salt
Memories of the bad stamped into ink
And on to every body part.
You make the sweetness of this infatuation seem obtainable
In this world were nothing ever gets obtained.
My heart hurts today.
Bleeding from the sore covering my track marked skin.
You push me away.
And all I do is fall for you even more
Seeing your track marks too you become beautiful to my insecure self.
I can't quite seem to figure out why I'm so attracted to you
You're the one that I long to see when I feel alone in the middle of the night.
The precious skin that looks like porcelin.
That unfound intrest in all that's about to come.
When you leave me in the pouring rain,
Tears flailing away
I want to chase after you
Know matter how you treat me
I'm still trailing at your feet because I know no better
I'll always feel this
Why can't you just see what I see
The beauty in your skin
Induldge in being abnormal
Induldge me in what you do best.
Suck me dry with your presence so i'll be able to rest
I just can't stop thinking about you. Maybe you are this infatuation for me that well never fade. I remember saying before i never wanted that feeling to go away. RIght now i want nothng more then to have that feeling leave me. I'm sick of feeling like I dont matter to you. I would do anything just to be with you once. I would give it all just for you to be in my life like i painted it in my mind. Why can't this happen? here we are both of us hopelessly infatued with people that we cannot have. FOr you its Craig. you told me you washed him from your mind. BUt he's still there. I can still see the sparkle in your eye's when you talk about him. I can still see how your body tenses up and you get all antsy when you see him. WHen i want to see him i almost want to crush the little perfect thing. So that we would'nt be in this situation. And then there me. I'm hopelessly infatued with you. I cant change these thoughts anymore. I've tried so hard to forget it all and just leave it be. I have tried to stop these feeling so that we can be freinds. But i cant. I cant make it stop. I'm ready to rip out my hair it hurts so bad .I feel a little obbsessive. BUt i can't help but want you. i need you to be with me. i need you to show me i have some kind of impartance in your life. THere is so many people in your life. in which you show all of them your love. and jsut because i told you i liked you i get nothing. its like we are freinds with no attaachment. how is that possible. how can i make myself stop thinking about you.
I can't have you doing this to my head anymore. Yet you are doing nothing. Nothing at all.Maybe thats the problem i dont know. I miss you I miss wht we used to have. I need to stop thinking about you to feel normal again. Yet i feel like a little pieve of me may be falling in love with you.


As I look into the twinkle of your eye's
I realize how strong this admirtation for you is
The hair that slightly framdes that precious skin
Reminds me of a time in which I felt beautiful

Looking into those little bits of heaven
It becomes clear to me that its gone beyond falling for you
It's clear to me that i've fallen for you.

But I find myself lying to myself
Denying how I feel about you because I know it's not that way for you
I feel so absorbed by you
I find myself in the fake world of what I wanted us to be

I thought about you last night
And all I wanted was to hold you tight
Because I want us to share eachothers company until the sun rises

Let yourself go for me
You are this amazing person
I don't see many things to change
I know nothing else but the realness of you
And look at where it's gotten me
I just can't stop thinking about you.

You crushed me with your artistic smile and creative mind
Captivated by the ideas that you come up with
Your smile could make me walk forever
Your smile
My motivation for moving
Although right now it seems like it might take awhile
It would all be worth it if I could see you smile.


I was captured by your presence tonight
The way that you hold your body to that ground
The confidence you have in every word spokem beams right through me
Glowing vibrantly ready to burn out
The way you hold me still when I would rather run until the sun comes up
But because you are holding me I'll stop to enjoy this moment
There you were completly content with your surroundings
Amidst all this chaos
You captured me with your presence tonight
A kiss on the cheak as i'm leaving makes me feel ready to say goodnight.


Lets feel your cold slap to my cheak,
to awake me from a dream i'm not supposed to drift off into.
A dream wgere it's just me and you
tomorrow morning I will open my eye's with the fresh feeling of not feeling like this
Today I woke up with you glued into my head
it's been das where you've been taking over my thoughts
One day I will develop the courage to tell you
i'm so afraid if I tell you
You may run so fast I won't be able to catch you
I enjoy those talks
I love those late night adventures
The way your mind words keeps me fascinated
And your beauty mkaes me disolve into nothing.
If I tell you this will you just be able to understand?
Well you stick around
I've drifted so far off into a dream again
Once I open my mouth it means I might have throwen it all away
Telling you is the only way I know how to wake up
I hope after I wake myself from this dream
The only way i know how
YOu will still be standing there to talk too
to drag on adventures with
And just be beautiful
Maybe nothing will come of this
I just need to wake myself
Hopefully you will still be standing there.
Barley breatheing
As this thing sets into my head
Bringing out those old feelings in me that seemed so real.

There I sit in the dirt with you
Expressing all thoughts on the world around us
A slight tinge of green on your face from the light above my head
Makes me feel a little worried for you.
You begin to look ill
As the drugs I fed you slowly set in

Are you okay, are you safe?
Are you content with me and this place
Can I take you away to a place that is far more secure.

I pictured this differently walking up my steps to drive away into this night
But here I am once again in awe of you
My expectations have long been throwen away
And i'm trying to keep my head and body together
In the moment of feeling so vulnerable.

Your head seems elsewhere momtarley as we talk
And all I want to do is try to bring you back to me
To engage yourself in whats going on in this moment.
Your missing it.

Can you feel the care I have for you?
Do you see the shine in my eye's when i'm around you
There was a moment tonight
Where I was sitting on the stairs below you
Eating my lolly pop
Yet so afraid of life's words
As my high was becoming ripe.

Looking at you from this lower step
I want to lean in and kiss those lips
Close them for a moment
To stop the words of worry
To make you feel loved and secure
Because all I want to do
Is be allowed to love you.

BUt I see that shocked reaction already on your face
HOw could I kiss you and believe it would change
If i lent in and kissed you would your words spue even more
If i kissed you on that cold night would you feel even less secure?
I think so.
I'm glad I kept these lips closed on that cold night.
HOw can those words even come out of your mouth? how can you sit there and say that you are feeling like no one cares about you. I wish that i could sit my ass up and confront you about this. This is just the same as me saying that I feel rejection from everyone when i was just pushing it on them. Its lame Clare... fucking lame. I don't understand how you can sit there and spill out all those thigns to a fucking computure when there is people like be just kicking at your feet willing and wanting to help you with what you are going through. Yet I called again with no response. I want to know. I want you to feel secure. I want you to be happy. But you refuse to let me in. Here i am kicking at your feet again. I care so much it hurts. I Can't get through the day without breaking down at least once about you. I hurt so much i'm exhausted and dont know how to cope. help me . don't tell me you feel like no one cares, when you have a path of people trailing behinde you ready to worship you. Listen to your words like you were jesus.... look at you like you were ghandi. how can you say that.